From the Kingdom of Plantae it came,
From the Order of Caryophyllales,
The Genus of Fagopyrum,
They are a complex carbohydrate.

Buckwheat:
Buckwheat satisfies all my needs,
Buckwheat, with its grain-like seeds,
A bit like rhubarb, a bit like knotweed,
But it’s not related to wheat,
It is not related to wheat,
It is not related to wheat,
It is not!

Etymology:
The name ‘buckwheat’ or ‘beech wheat’ comes from its triangular seeds, which resemble its much larger seeds of the beech nut from the beech tree, and the fact that it is used like wheat. The word may be a translation of Middle Dutch boecweite: boec, ‘beech’, and weite, for wheat, or may be a native formation on the same model as the Dutch word.

History:
Are you all seated comfly-bold two-square on your botty? Once a polly tito, beel around six thousumpth beforey Christo, a throoty-year-old individuholder chose to trittle-how whimsicold to neary-near fieldy-loop hin contiload of Downrighty Asia. Sun glisteny on drenchy fieldy-loop, saw a strange grazzle with petaloads that didn’t understab. Fallolloping eyebolds, looked it huffalo-dowder and deceeded to take severaloaders loam for garbage. Reachy dowdle and bunchgroup some hin armpeggers till they were fullfold-folly. Hin the emma, buckwheat sclabbered through the univerbs and he became muchly teemy.

Cultivation:
We all need soil to get along,
But buckwheat don’t grow if the soil is wrong,
For best results and maximum yield,
Be sure to keep acidic soil in your field,
This summer season, listen to reason,
In twelve more weeks you’ll have a smile on your cheeks,
If you heed my words and follow them all,
Your buckwheat could grow to fifty inches tall.

Composition:
It’s the buckwheat fresh from the battlefield,
You suckers can’t compete with this nutrition that I yield, so
Let me reveal while you choke on your TV meal,
They all come running, mothers, daughters and brides,
‘Cos I smell so sweet – it’s the hydroxybenzaldehyde,
I take you all in my stride, come follow me,
I’m so robust I’ll survive a broadside landslide,
You better stick to the plan and get me planted by March,
‘Cos they call me Iron Man, you know, Tony Starch,
Full of amylose and amylopecin,
Now girl just stop your sweating,
My protein’s off the charts,
And I’m good for your hearts.

Nutrition:
I’m Michael From The Lab, and I say… Buckwheat is usually safe for human consumption, however can cause fagopyrism if consumed excessively. Side-effects may include skin inflammation, cold sensitivity, and numbness in the hands.

Culinary use:
There’s so much you can do with buckwheat,
My favourite kind of suh... stuff you eat,
In China they seem all set,
For centuries they’ve eaten buckwheat noodles in Tibet,
Peasants used to eat it as porridge dish,
But I’ve had it inside a cabbage roll and it’s delish,
They’ve made a jelly using it called memilmuk,
When I tried it, it was the opposite of yuck,
You won’t believe all the things that you can make,
In Russia they use it to make pancakes,
And it also can be used to make flour,
Yes buckwheat can give you real power,
Yes buckwheat can give you real power,
Yes buckwheat can give you real power.

Beverages:
You can make beer from buckwheat,
You can make whisky as well,
There’s even a thing called shōchū,
Which has a distinctive smell,
Yes I will, yes I will, yes I will.
And don’t forget about tea,
That buckwheat tea,
Just imagine you and me
With a pot of buckwheat tea,
Oh how cosy it would be.

Upholstery filling:
Are you allergic to feathers?
Then listen to me,
You can put buckwheat in your pillows,
And sleep easily.

Other uses:
Stick it in yer dog food, [×16]
To make it grain-free.

Production:
Russia – 1, 5, 2, 4, 2, 8, 0,
China – 1, 4, 4, 7, 2, 9, 2,
Ukraine – 1, 8, 0, 4, 4, 0,
France – 1, 2, 7, 4, 0, 6,
Kazakhstan – 1, 2, 0, 3, 7, 9,
The World – 3, 8, 2, 7, 7, 4, 8.
Russia – 1, 5, 2, 4, 2, 8, 0,
China – 1, 4, 4, 7, 2, 9, 2,
Ukraine – 1, 8, 0, 4, 4, 0,
France – 1, 2, 7, 4, 0, 6,
Kazakhstan – 1, 2, 0, 3, 7, 9,
The World – 3, 8, 2, 7, 7, 4, 8.

Would you like a cup of tea?

No no! Don’t you dare touch that spacebar!

See also:
If Only Your Legs Were On Your Head,
It would be so funny to me to watch you put your trousers on, [ad lib. Overlapping]
Banana Juice?
Oh, your red scarf matches your eyes,
You closed your cover before striking,
Father had the shipfitter blues,
Loving you has made me banana juice?

References:
The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band;
Chet Baker;
Come On To Me by Paul McCartney;
Cristobal Tapia de Veer;
Einstein on the Beach by Philip Glass;
Hooked On a Feeling by Mark James (as recorded by Blue Swede);
The Longest Time by Billy Joel;
Pi by Kate Bush;
Pinocchio;
Rawlinson End by The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band;
The Room;
The Ruler Of the Queen’s Navy by Gilbert & Sullivan;
Seasons of Love by Jonathan Larson;
Stanley Unwin;
Take Five by Paul Desmond;
Toast by Streetband;
Toast of London;
Tubular Bells by Mike Oldfield;
Vulf on Glassware by Moxie Vanilla;
Walkies by Vulfpeck;
Where Do You Go To (My Lovely)? By Peter Sarstedt;
Wikipedia

Just call me a wee leprechaun. Because I dish the gold.