When times are tough and life is rough it can really get you down, And all you can do to make it through is hang your head and frown. But there is a way to cheer your day And banish all the blues, It’s seldom done, but lots of fun, And it’s ninety per cent booze! Let’s go on a four-day bender, Let’s all get absolutely sloshed, Let’s go do the things that make us feel like queens and kings Then get to bed unshaven and unwashed, It’s time to leave our cares behind us And forget about our mediocrity, Oh let’s go on a four-day bender, The likes of which you thought you’d never see. Yes! It’s years since I’ve done anything like that. Just think of all the things we could get up to! Let’s go vomit in the street, And shout abuse at all we meet, Then pass out on a policeman’s feet, Before we even get started! Let’s go swimming in a lake, And find some windows we can break, The excitement is too much to take, I just can’t wait to begin! I’m going to punch some Geordies! I’ll start a fight I cannot win. Same thing! I’m going to climb a tree, deface some private property, Then end up eating curry from a bin! I’m gonna expose myself publicly, It’s a dream I’ve always wanted to fulfil. It’ll be swell! It’ll be fine! There’ll be vodka, beer and wine, We’ll just drink and drink until we’ve had our fill. And then some more! Let’s go on a four-day bender. Let’s all get absolutely sloshed, Let’s go do the things that make us feel like queens and kings Then get to bed unshaven and unwashed, It’s time to leave our cares behind us And forget about our mediocrity, Oh let’s go on a four-day bender, The likes of which you thought you’d never see. Hello liver, my old friend, I’ve come to torture you again, But through it all I hope and pray You’ll live to fight another day. Let’s kick over a public bin, Then down a pint of Gordon’s gin, Perhaps inform our next of kin, Before we even get started! Let’s go buy a lamb kebab To throw up in a taxi cab, Neglect to pay the barman’s tab, I just can’t wait to begin! Let’s sit in a corner crying About the way our lives have gone right down the drain, Then tell ourselves it’s not so bad, we’ve got no reason to be sad As long as we have lovely friends like what’s-his-name, Then we’ll go and find a nightclub, So we can permanently lose our sense of hearing, We’ll be corpses by the end and yet there’s not a moment we’ll regret, If we can still fit one more round of beer in! It’s time to leave our cares behind us, And forget about our mediocrity, Oh let’s go on a four-day bender, Da likes of which you thought you’d never see!

There were oh so many ways that the world could have gone, From a global epidemic to a hydrogen bomb, But here’s a possibility that wasn’t on my list, For I never did expect that it would end like this! Like this? Like this! It came as a surprise. Like this? Like this! I could hardly believe my eyes! Yes it took me unawares and I am not ashamed to say That I just could not have foreseen that it would end this way. But surely it wasn’t just me? How did you all expect the end of civilisation to come about? Helen? You know, I always thought the human race Would be destroyed from outer space, It seemed to me without a doubt A meteor would wipe us out! Interesting. How about you, Gary? If there’s one thing I believed was true, It’s that we’d all die from avian flu, Disease we simply couldn’t fight Would decimate us overnight. Ah, so all this must have come as a shock to you as well? It certainly did! And I must admit I feel exactly the same way you do. There were oh so many ways that the world could have gone, From a global epidemic to a hydrogen bomb, But here is an option that was never on my list, For I did not expect that it would end like this! Like this? Like this! It came as a surprise. Like this? Like this! I could hardly believe my eyes! Yes it took him unawares and he is not ashamed to say That he just could not have foreseen that it would end this way. Reliance on technology, That’s what used to worry me, If you live life through microchips, You won’t survive the slightest glitch. And let’s not forget nuclear war, It almost brought us down before, A finger on a red button Could send us to oblivion! We were overpopulating fast, It didn’t look like the bees would last, And with climate change still going strong, It’s a wonder we survived this long! There was terrorism and inter-cultural tension, Leaded petrol, Not to mention Humankind’s innate and inevitable tendency (however absurdly paradoxical and contrary to all conventional logic and reasoning) towards self-destruction! All these things and many more could have done us in, But in fact the ending came from somewhere no-one had foreseen! Yes there were oh so many ways that the world could have gone, From a global epidemic to a hydrogen bomb, But here’s a possibility that wasn’t on our list, For we never did expect that it would end like this! Like this, like this, It came as a surprise, Like this, like this, We could hardly believe our eyes! Yes it took us unawares and we are not ashamed to say That we just could not have foreseen that it would end this way. No we could not have foreseen that it would end this way!

Here is the chair where my mum used to stay, Sewing and watching T.V., And here is the piano my dad tried to play, To this day it’s a bit out of key, And here is the pottery jug that I made On my birthday back when I was ten… or eleven… And the painting we bought at a coastal resort, On a holiday one year in Kent… or Devon… These four walls of memories, Now these four walls are history. Where is the courage and where is the hope? These feelings that I used to know, What happened to those who would help me to cope, And why did they all have to go? I wish I could stay here pretending that things Were just as they always had been, And hide for a while beneath a counterfeit smile, As though all this were only a dream. These four walls were my home, These four walls, Now I’m alone. Then again… I’m wistful ‘cos here’s where my family was once resident. But now that they’re gone it’s no more than bricks and cement. I have to move forward, difficult thought that may be, If not for myself then for those relying on me, If not for myself then for those relying on me. In these four walls I’ve been confined, Now these four walls I’ll leave behind.

Ladies and gentleman, I hereby convene this inaugural meeting of the Council of the Sole Surviving Members of Humanity. That we know of. That we know of. Friends, our greatest fears have been realised: the entirety of our race has been exterminated and we four are all that remain. That we know of. That we know of. But now, it is time for us to look… to the future. The world has gone right down the pan, But one thing’s sure: we need a plan, So let’s all put our heads together, And think of something really clever. Hmm… Ooh! Over to you! Plan A… O.K. Well I know a farm where we could go, where chickens lay and carrots grow, It’s only small but it’s enough to keep us going when things get tough, It won’t be easy but I’m sure we’ll grow to love it more and more, We’ll tend the crops, live off the land - a self-sufficient little band. [Overlapping] That’s daft! That's dumb! That's mad! That's nuts! That's just Insane! Now give me a second and I’ll explain. With due respect my merry mate, You must accept your plan’s not great, We simply don’t possess the skills to live as farmers in the hills. I don’t know how to milk a cow or shear a sheep or use a plough, I’m sorry if I burst your bubble but your plan would only lead to trouble. Well I’d like to see you come up with something better! Easy! I’ll even do it with my eyes closed. Alright, well go on then. O.K., let me see… Erm… Well I suppose we could always just… No, that wouldn’t work. Or maybe we could try… No, probably not. Or perhaps… No. Actually, can you come back to me? Huh! The world has gone right down the pan, But one thing’s sure: we need a plan, Any ideas what we could do? Hmm… Ooh! Over to you! Plan B… Let’s see… It can’t be just us left behind - there must be others for us to find, If we could only seek them out, they’d be our friends I have no doubt, When we find them we’ll join forces, pool together our resources, Form a new community, much stronger for its unity. [Overlapping] That’s daft! That's dumb! That's mad! That's nuts! That's just Insane! And if you don’t mind then I’ll explain. With due respect, you must concede you can’t expect that to succeed, We can’t just give these folk a call, that is, if they exist at all. Communication’s gone awry, we’ve not even got a power supply, I’m sorry dear if I do smirk but your plan is not one that will work. Well alright, but there’s no need to be rude about it! I wasn’t being rude, I was just saying - Look, there’s no time for bickering. We’ve got work to do. The world has gone right down the pan, But one thing’s sure: we need a plan, Any ideas what we could do? Hmm… Ooh! Over to you! Plan C… If we… Erm… Just give me a second… No, it’s gone again. Huh! The world has gone right down the pan, But one thing’s sure: we need a plan, Any ideas what we could do? Urgh… I’ve got it! This better be good! Plan D flat… It seems to me that… We needn’t worry what we’ll eat - with little work we’ll be replete, There’s loads of food stockpiled in store to last a lifetime, maybe more, We’ll find ourselves a great big van and salvage what supplies we can, Then live off rice and tinned baked beans, the laid-back lifestyle of our dreams. [Overlapping] That’s daft! That's dumb! That's mad! That's nuts! That's just Insane! I shouldn’t have to but I’ll explain. With due respect, you must confess your plan is lacking in finesse, And I for one aren’t satisfied to survive on scraps from days gone by. It’s crucial that we start anew, be self-reliant through and through, I’m sorry Gary if I rail, but your plan is surely doomed to fail. So that’s it? Not one of us can come up with a decent plan? Apparently not. But we’ve got to think of something! Well I don’t see how. Unless Lizzie’s had any bright ideas? Actually, what was the first one again? I thought that was quite good. What, you mean… I know a farm where we could go, where chickens lay and carrots grow, It’s only small but it’s enough to keep us going when things get tough, It won’t be easy but I’m sure we’ll grow to love it more and more, We’ll tend the crops, live off the land - Yeah, that one. Yeah I quite liked that idea as well. O.K., all in favour of adopting Plan A, say… Aye Aye Aye Aye Well then that’s settled. Hooray! Hooray. So without delay let’s be on our way!

Stop and take some time to look around you, Take a lungful of that cool refreshing air, Think of all the wonders that surround you, And maybe you’ll see why I don’t despair. Think about it! No more crime, No more war, No more taxes to be paid, We’ve inherited the Earth, all this is ours forevermore, You must admit we’ve pretty much got it made. So aren’t you glad that we’re the lucky ones who made it through the storm, The lucky ones who lived to tell the tale, We must have guardian angels keeping watch since we were born, Protecting us from harm if we should fail. And so I say the time has come for us to raise a glass, The time has come to give ourselves a cheer, Wrath and destruction and distress have come to pass, And yet, despite it all, we still are here. I’m not sure I agree with your position, And your point of view may just need refining, ‘Cos when you look at our present condition, It’s pretty hard to find a silver lining. Where will we live? What will we eat? What will we do if one of us falls ill? I’m trying to prepare us for a future that is bleak, Whereas you just want to sit back and chill. And you say that we’re the lucky ones because we made it through, Because we didn’t perish with the rest, The lucky ones with guardian angels watching them, and who Have got no valid cause to be depressed. But from where I stand the picture is a different one indeed, From where I stand things aren’t so black and white, The road ahead is full of peril, we don’t know where it will lead, And we don’t know what danger’s lurking out of sight. Well I suppose you have a point (though it’s a little out of joint), And your pragmatism may have valid grounds. And I concede you may be right that the future could be bright, (Though I’m not sure that his reasoning is sound). At the end of the day we both have valid things to say, There’s no need for us to argue. Let’s not waste a song debating who is right and wrong. But instead accept each other’s point of view. (Though he’s clearly a moron.) We’ll just respect each other’s point of view. (Even though it’s based on erroneous assumptions.) Each other’s point of view. (Despite the shallowness of his opinion.) Each other’s point of view. (Misguided though it may be.)

It’s harder than it looks when you’ve lost all you had, And you’ve had enough of trying to pretend That all is fine and you really don’t mind when it’s enough to send you round the bend, I try to smile but all the while I simply feel like I’m on tenterhooks, ‘Cos when you want to cry, oh my! It’s harder than it looks. It’s harder than it looks when you’ve had it up to here with orders and instructions and demands, From one who doesn’t recognise when his methods are unwise, And who simply reprimands if you don’t bow to his commands, When the leadership is flawed and your suggestions are ignored, It’s like a kitchen that has one too many cooks, And just to smile and nod, good God! It’s harder than it looks. I’m not usually one to complain, But my resolve is starting to wane, And I’m beginning to feel the strain. I’m doing the best that I can, But I’m not the superhuman they think I am, Why can’t they understand? It’s harder than it looks when you’re trying to lead a group that doesn’t want to be led, And you’ve got to plan the best you can whilst filled with dread of what lies ahead, There’s still so much to do, I don’t know how we’ll make it through, We’re in trouble, when you get down to the crux, And when you’re the chief, good grief! It’s harder than it looks. It’s harder than it looks when you’re up to your neck in cows and pigs and sheep, When you’re shovelling hay twelve hours a day and you’ve barely had a sleep in the past two weeks, On this farm it lacks the charm of the lifestyle I have read about in books, ‘Cos when you’re tired and bored, good lord! It’s harder than it looks. I’m not usually one to complain, But my resolve is starting to wane, And I’m beginning to feel the strain. I’m doing the best that I can, But I’m not the superhuman they think I am, Why can’t they understand? [A, B, C and D overlapping:] A: It’s harder, harder than it looks when you’re up to your neck in cows and pigs and sheep, When you’re shovelling hay twelve hours a day and you can’t recall the last time that you slept, Oh this farm is lacking charm, ‘Cos when you’re tired and bored, good lord! It’s harder than it looks. B: It’s harder than it looks when you’ve lost all you had, And you’ve had enough of trying to pretend that all is fine when you’re going slowly round the bend, I try to smile but really I’m on tenterhooks, ‘Cos when you want to cry, It’s harder than it looks. C: It’s harder than it looks when you have had it up to here, From one who doesn’t recognise when his methods are unwise, And who simply reprimands if you don’t bow to his commands, The leadership is flawed, suggestions are ignored, It’s like a kitchen full of cooks, To smile and nod, It’s harder than it looks. D: It’s harder than it looks when people don’t want to be led, And you’ve got to plan for what lies ahead, There’s still so much to do, I don’t know how we’ll make it through, We’re in trouble when you get down to the crux, And when you are the chief, It’s harder than it looks. Yes when you’re the chief, To smile and nod, When you want to cry, When you’re tired and bored, [A, B, C and D overlapping:] A: When you’re tired and bored, good lord! B: When you want to cry, oh my! C: Just to smile and nod, good God! D: Yes when you’re the chief, good grief! It’s harder than it looks!

Do you remember last year when we sat on the pier and we talked about movies and stuff? I found you alarming. Nah! You thought I was charming, Not to mention handsome and tough! That’s strange, ‘cos my memory serves me quite differently, I told you I don’t need a man to survive, And you stood not a chance of the slightest romance even if you were the last one alive. Yes you did say that, didn't you? Well, maybe the time has come for you to reconsider. What do you mean? There are only four of us left on the planet. By the looks of things Joe's already taken. So the way I see it, unless you fancy going out with a chicken I'm the best chance you've got! Oh for goodness’ sake! I know you said I shouldn’t try, Till Hell froze over and pigs did fly, But now the situation’s changed, I’m sure things could be rearranged, I know you think that I’m a creep, But it’s either this or date a sheep, See you’ve not much choice for what it’s worth, ‘Cos I’m the last man left on earth. Ba-da-dn da da da ya-dn-dee-dah Ba-da ya-da-da-dn dee dee-yah Ba-ya da da ya-dn-da-dah Ba-da ya-da-da-dn dah. Oh you act all innocent now, but you’re hardly the gentleman you make out to be. We went on one date together, that’s it. And considering the way you behaved then, you’re lucky I’m still speaking to you at all! If there’s one thing I hate when it comes to a date, it’s being groped inappropriately! Your sordid behaviours did do you no favours, That’s not the kind of thing that a girl wants to see! Oh don’t go and tell me you tried to repel me, You like me much more than you say you do! Well now I’ve concluded you’re simply deluded, Believing in things that were never true. You see, the reason I said you shouldn’t try is because I think I’d rather die than spend another hour with you and your ego that is ten foot two! Circumference? Radius. It’s true my options have run low, But still my answer is a ‘no,’ I doubt that I could do much worse than you, the last man left on Earth. You were rude, I was witty! You were lewd, Not a bitty! You were crude, What a pity you don’t understand my charm. You were crass, I was clever! Made a pass, Who, me? Never! You’re an ass, You’re much better living on a farm. Oh, the answer is a ‘no,’ It really is a ‘no’! So I think you should go, Why must it be a ‘no’? Crawl back under the rock you came from, Why must you be such a stubborn guy? I prefer the term ‘persistent’! That you won’t take my reply and leave me be! Oh I know you said I shouldn’t try, Till Hell froze over and pigs did fly, But now the situation’s changed, I’m sure things could be rearranged, I know you think that I am coarse, But it’s either this or date a horse, See you’ve not much choice for what it’s worth, ‘Cos I’m the last man left on Earth, No you’ve not much choice for what it’s worth, For I’m the last man left on Earth! Well you can’t blame me for trying!

Oh isn’t it a lovely night? The stars are out, the moon is bright, The wind is blowing softly through the trees. If only you could see it, dear, You’d thank the Lord that you were here, Enjoying that delightful summer breeze. But all you seem to do these days Is lie in a perpetual haze, Not noticing the world pass you by, And it’s worried me a lot, of late, To see you there in such a state, Your breath so stale, your skin so pale and dry. Oh please don’t die, don’t die, That’s not the way to behave, And by the by, I’d surely cry If I had to dig your early grave, Yes, if you passed away today, I don’t know how I’d cope, Oh my, don’t die, Don’t make me give up hope. I’ve always loved the way your hair Falls across your forehead there, Cascades around the contours of your cheek, The way you flick it to the side just here Then tuck it back behind your ear, It always makes my heart skip a beat. So I find it most concerning when I might not see these things again, That’s simply not a thought that I can take, But never mind these cares of mine, I’m sure that things will turn out fine, We’ll laugh about it all when you wake. Won’t we? Oh please don’t die, don’t die, That’s not the way to behave, And by the by, I’d surely cry If I had to dig your early grave, Yes, if you passed away today I don’t know how I’d cope, Oh my, don’t die, Don’t make me give up hope. I just can’t understand it, Don’t know how it could be, That even though you’re at death’s door You still look better than me! Oh please don’t die, don’t die, That’s not the way to behave, And by the by, I’d surely cry If I had to dig your early grave, Yes, if you passed away today I don’t know how I’d cope, Oh my, don’t die, Don’t make me give up hope. Don’t pass away, I pray, You know how I would weep, And I must say it would spoil my day If I had to leave you six feet deep! Yes, if you never woke again, I’d have such cause to moan, Oh my, don’t die, Don’t leave me on my own. Oh my, don’t die, Don’t leave me on my own.

Man, did that one feel good! Better than jogging should, What a nice day for a run. Now for a little treat, while I put up my feet, How about some whisky… nah, rum! It’s ever so peaceful here, no other people near, Here in my own little shack. It takes some getting used to, but once you do You’d never think of going back. But the solitary life, how wonderful it is, The solitary life, just minding your own business, Nobody to pester, nobody to moan, Nobody to test you, when you’re on your own, The communal life, who needs it? The solitary life sure beats it! Hands down. No doubt about that. If the others could see me now, they’d surely wonder how Everything turned out so right. While I sit and relax, they’re breaking their backs, Toiling away day and night. They don’t know the solitary life, how marvellous it is, The solitary life, just minding your own business, Nobody to nag and no-one to complain, Nobody to brag and drive you insane, The communal life is yesterday’s news, The solitary life is the life that I choose! Every time. Do I get lonely with nobody to cling to? How could I be lonely when I’ve got myself to sing to? La… La! Do I get lonely with no-one to romance with? How could I be lonely when I’ve got myself to dance with? I wonder how they’re faring, If they’re despairing, Wonder how they’re getting on, I don’t suppose they’ll miss me, Now I’m just history, Don’t suppose they’ll care I’ve gone. Not that it matters. After all, I’ve made a new life for myself right here! The solitary life, how excellent it is, The solitary life, just minding your own business, No-one to degrade you, no-one to demand, Nobody to aid you when you need a hand. Yes the solitary life, how fabulous it is! The solitary life, just minding your own business, No-one interfering, getting in the way, No-one volunteering thoughts about their day. Oh the solitary life, how brilliant it is, The solitary life, just minding your own business, Nobody to share your memories of home, Nobody to care for when you’re on your own. Nobody dictating orders from above, Nobody to hate but nobody to love. The communal life has so many things amiss! The solitary life, The solitary life, The solitary life, Bliss!

Well for a start I wouldn’t have bothered painting the front door, Or booked those front row tickets for The Sound of Music tour! I don’t think that I would have got that leaky tap replaced, And I suppose all of that home and car insurance was a waste. How about you? Well I would not have sat all those exams in a subject I deplore, ‘Human Resources Management’? What is that even for? Or wasted time building a C.V. that was ‘competency-based’, Or gone to such great lengths for that promotion that I chased. All these things that I would not have tried to do, If I knew, if I knew, All these things that I never would have done, If I’d known, if I’d known. So much for the stuff we would have left out. But isn’t there anything you’d have liked to have done more of while you had the chance? Oh yeah, definitely! Such as? Maybe I’d have spent more time with my friends, Instead of working late on a list of jobs that never ends, Perhaps I would have gone to see that show my mate was in, Or done that course of lessons in creative writing, I would have worried less about what people thought of my looks, I would have tried to see more culture, maybe read a few more books, I would have visited my friends and family more than once a year, And showed them that I loved them every time that they were near. All these things that I would not have failed to do, If I knew, if I knew, All these things that I surely would have done, If I’d known, if I’d known. Not that it matters now, What’s done is done, we must move on, There’s no use dwelling on past mistakes, ‘Cos it’s a fact we can’t go back, None of it’s important, We must leave it behind, Yet still I find it hard Not to think of All the things that I would not have tried to do, If I knew, If I knew, And all the things that I never would have done, If I’d only known of All the things that I would not have failed to do, If I knew, if I knew, And all the things that I surely would have done, If I’d known, if I’d known.

This isn’t how we planned it, Not something we could predict, This isn’t how we expected to live, Or the lifestyle we would have picked, But these are the cards life dealt us, So we’ll play them as we can, And I know we’ll be much stronger, Side by side and hand in hand. I know it’s never easy, Admitting when you’re wrong, But really, let’s be honest, Is this where you belong? Now, I’m sure you’re very happy, On your little plot of land, But wouldn’t you feel much better by far, Side by side and hand in hand? Metaphorically. If you only knew, All the good you could do, Then maybe you’d come through Gary! And you can start by owning up to your deficiencies, Instead of cowering away from your responsibilities. So come on, don’t be a stranger, Don’t hide away and quit, You need us as much as we need you, Only you’re too proud to admit it. This life in isolation Must be so dull and bland, You’ll find the grass is greener, Side by side and hand in hand, Side by side and hand in hand, You’ll find the grass is greener by far, Side by side and hand in hand. Metaphorically.

Once there was a guy who was something of a chronic workaholic, Hmm, sounds familiar! He would labour all the day then he would graft the whole night through. Yeah I think I might know that guy. He never took the time to value the idyllic or bucolic, Imagine that! Quite tragic when you think about it. It seemed no matter what he did, there was always more to do, Who knew! Well maybe he was right or maybe he was wrong, Or maybe he was somewhere in between, But however hard to try, it is tricky to deny, There was something that he simply hadn’t seen. Sometimes you’ve just got to… stop and smell the roses. Stop and smell the roses, Pause to see the view, So what if you’ve got more important stuff to do? When it’s a sunny day like this you’d be an idiot to miss out on the Golden sand dunes and the Glistening sea, Not forgetting the radiant company! Yes I was going to mention that! Sure you were. Anyway, back to the story. Oh yeah, that. As the years went by, this guy began to find himself doubting, He thought there must be more to life than tribulation, travailling and trial, He started noticing the life that had been going on without him, And wondering why he’d wasted all his weekends working all the while, Well maybe I felt good, I mean… Well maybe he felt good or maybe he felt bad, Or maybe he felt somewhere in between, As he viewed through renewed eyes, to his moderate surprise, The thing that heretofore he simply hadn’t seen. Once in a while, it’s very important just to… Stop! Where? Here! Why? To smell the roses, Pause to see the view, So what if you’ve got more important stuff to do? When it’s a sunny day like this you’d be an idiot to miss out on the Golden sand dunes and the Glistening sea, Not to mention the jovial company! Well you’ve certainly changed your tune! No, it’s the same as it was the first time. Anyway, I’ve come up with a little saying to help you both remember. It goes like this: Count your blessings every day. That sounds like something Gary would say. Hey! It’s not my fault he ran away! Anyway, if I may? O.K., without further delay… Count your blessings every day, You’ll surely keep the blues at bay! Why don’t you try one? Oh, O.K. Erm… Look on the bright side of life, To overcome your stress and strife! Nice! Ooh, can I have a go? Of course! Try not to be a selfish prat. Hey! There’s no need for language like that! Just stop and smell the roses while you can, Stop and smell the roses while you can. It’s a simple phrase, To be with you all your days, To help you change your ways And see, And see, You just gotta stop! Where? Here! When? Now! Why? To smell the roses, Pause to see the view, So what if you’ve got more important stuff to do? When it’s a sunny day like this you’d be an idiot to miss out on the Golden sand dunes and the Glistening sea Not to mention the riveting company! Yes, not to mention the overwhelmingly phenomenally magnificent company! That’s more like it! If you give your specs a rosy hue, You’ll see the good that it can do! They’re seldom found without a thorn, But that’s no cause to give them scorn! They feel at home in loam or peat, By other names they smell as sweet! Yes, stop and smell the roses while you can, Stop and smell the… Lying on a bed of… Days of wine and… Everything’s coming up Roses!

Hello guys, it’s good to see you, Lizzie, Helen, Joe, How are things? You’re looking well, despite, well, you know… Look, I know this little speech of mine will leave you unimpressed, But I cannot live in peace until I’ve got it off my chest, ‘Cos when I went away I had a lot of time to think, Some nights my guilty conscience meant I barely slept a wink, You see, I realised that I was wrong to go a separate way, And so, if you’ll permit, I have some things I need to say. I’m sorry for all the things I’ve said and done, I’m sorry for the way I have behaved, I’m sorry for the overwhelming arrogance I displayed, And I want you to know I didn’t mean it, Something I only wish I’d realised at the time, And if there was a way that I could take things back and make it all O.K., I would today, I would today. You know, it’s funny how you plan these things, Rehearse the lines, think on your sins, Then when you’re ready to come clean, How inadequate the words all seem, But hey… I’ll continue anyway. It’s surprising how, when you’re alone, your point of view does change, Priorities you thought you knew begin to rearrange, You start to notice things you took for granted every day, Things you didn’t know you had till they were taken away, My point is that without your friendship I would still survive, But although I may be living there is no way I could thrive, For a life without a purpose is something no man can abide, And a soul without companionship is never satisfied. I suppose what I’m trying to say is… I’m sorry for all the things I’ve said and done, I’m sorry for the way I have behaved, I’m sorry for the overwhelming arrogance I displayed, I don’t presume to ask for your forgiveness, I don’t deserve an ounce of your respect, After all I’ve only given you rejection and neglect, I just want you to know I didn’t mean it, Something I only wish I’d realised at the time, And if there was a way that I could take things back and make it all O.K., I would today, I would today.

I really frowned, that day we found humanity was slain, Long story short, I never thought I’d ever smile again, But I have to say that since that day I’ve learnt a little thing: It’s not really the apocalypse if there are people left alive to sing. Although it’s tragic, still the magic spell of life goes one, And it is true the world we knew has not completely gone, Yes the Earth will keep on turning, turning winter into spring, ‘Cos it’s not really the apocalypse if there are people left alive to sing. So what if we forgot just what we four have got? For sure we four have got a lot to be thankful for, And so what if often we are prone to disagree? At least we’ve got each other’s company. So don’t be sad and don’t feel bad the human race is toast, We had a good run, we had some fun, and that’s what matters most, And while we remain, with one refrain we’ll make the rafters ring, ‘Cos it’s not really the apocalypse if there are people left alive to sing. So what if we forgot just what we four have got? For sure we four have got a lot to be thankful for, And so what if often we are prone to disagree? At least we’ve got each other’s company. So don’t be sad and don’t feel bad the human race is toast, We had a good run, we had some fun, and that’s what matters most, And while we remain, with one refrain we’ll make the rafters ring, ‘Cos it’s not really the apocalypse if there are people left alive to sing. [Overlapping] People left alive to sing, People left alive to sing! To sing!